So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
me + whiskey = a bad person
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize