I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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