Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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