I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
