So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Randomize
