Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize