have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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