I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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