Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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