Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
