what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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