If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I look better un-naked...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Boobs speak an international language.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
