She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
