Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
