I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize