AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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