Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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