You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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