When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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