You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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