It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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