We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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