I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
