You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
