last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
