Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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