trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
