i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
don't judge my taste in strippers
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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