i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
