we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
The ass gains better be worth it
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