my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
