just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i can't believe i had my finger in that
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
