I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
