I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
