yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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