so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
why is half of my head shaved?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
