i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
