my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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