There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
And then he peed in my hair
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