Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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