I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
