ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
