We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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