I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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