hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
