Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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