Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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