Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize