no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
