Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
