my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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