I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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