It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
