of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
