Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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