Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My vagina just clenched in fear
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
