Your dad touched me again.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
