I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize