dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
