there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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