What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
