she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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