i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
