remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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