Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
ugly people sure do ruin things
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
