I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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