so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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