Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
